Finding Balance as a Dad through Gaming, Sweeping and Freud - with Jamie Brittain

My guest today is Jamie Brittain, co-creator of Skins, writer for Breeders and loving, playful dad to a daughter. We discuss the impact of success on mental health, preparing to be a parent, immersing yourself in play and attempting to never, never compare yourself to other parents.

Jamie Brittain

Finding balance as a Dad through gaming, sweeping & Freud.

@matronboy

writing skins - the lost years

Jamie talks about creating Skins as a teenager, with his well-known writer Dad. The success of the show and how this connected to lows of mental health. Struggles with OCD and dark moments went alongside the production of the show’s long run and the aftermath. His sense of self-worth plummeted and his circuitry felt scrambled.

Jamie talks about loneliness after Skins, feeling unable to work or look after himself properly, feeling lost and bleak, wasting time, for a long time. Watching ‘every movie’ got him through and has provided a foundation for work and life since.

He talks about resentment of others’ happiness, a sign of being unfulfilled and lost.

recovery and preparing for parenthood

Jamie talks about coming off medication, leading to recovery and readiness to meet his partner and have their daughter. Together these created the turning point towards happiness. A fresh start. Getting pregnant led to him wanting to straighten himself up, attend therapy and prepare to be the father he hoped to be.

We discuss the difficulty of parenting and the expectations we had.

Jamie explains the reward and hard work of years of ‘full-on freudian psychotherapy’, examining his childhood and learning about his inner processes. He has built a more stable sense of self, a sense of being good enough to write again and indeed to parent.

We talked about children’s in-built personalities, the chaos, without sure instructions, trying not to repeat parents’ mistakes with these unique individuals. The false certainty of parenting books.

Jamie looked at the contrast between preparing for the baby and the reality once the baby was home. He talked about anxiety and fear, the journey into the unknown.

giving things up to be a dad

Jamie talked about giving up smoking and partying. Despite the difficulty, Jamie compared parenthood to his life before which had been so unfulfilling and boring, and was ready to live a more consequential life.

jackson’s scars

We discussed the difficulty but the importance of being present. The weird abstract games with his daughter, pretending to be Jackson the pirate. Losing himself in her fantasy world, despite the to-do list. Becoming playful and present and re-connecting with his inner child. Jamie talks about how to get more out of this time with your child.

finding myself through writing

Jamie created a script about Philip Larkin as soon as he found out they were pregnant - the script of which he is the most proud. Writing on Breeders also created fulfilment. He realised the need to be willing to put himself into his work, be vulnerable enough.

comparing ourselves to other parents

We looked at social media and connectedness, and the impact of comparing ourselves to other parents. Jamie was inspired by Matt Haig’s book Reasons to Stay Alive, which implores people again and again don’t compare yourself to others. We looked at Mumsnet fights and the need to resist comparison.

passions

Jamie talked about the value of reading and video gaming for stress release, becoming more mindful about gaming after having his daughter. Jamie found Spelunky powerful - hard work pays off, there’s nothing for free - a form of meditation and a huge achievement to complete it, over months and months, in the first year of his daughter’s life. Building up his tolerance for long-term reward.

Jamie recommended giving yourself over fully to whatever you’re doing - the sweeping, cleaning the bathroom twice. Fully immersing himself in play with his daughter. Finding calm and soothing in doing one thing at a time, something that can have an end product. Putting in the hard work.

Take Aways

• Do one thing at a time, with everything you have. Minimise distractions and throw yourself into playing with your child and engaging in your hobbies and passions.

• Engage in therapy and keep going even when the returns seem limited. Invest in this self-exploration for yourself as a person and to benefit your parenting.

• Notice if you are feeling resentful of others’ happiness. Use this as a sign of being unfulfilled and disconnected. Prioritise self-reflection, attend therapy if you can, address it.

• Do not compare yourself to other parents, whether favourably or negatively.

• Explore forms of meditation, which for Jamie included playing Spelunky. Engage in hard work processes, where rewards are long-term, rather than quick, less fulfilling returns like social media.

• Play.

check jamie out

Breeders series 2 is out now.

Find Jamie @matronboy on Twitter

On the mailing list soon

Mailing list subscribers, you will receive a video this week guiding you through the process of putting other things to the side and immersing yourself in playing with your child(ren) so that you can all get the most out of it. Subscribe here

Please rate the show on iTunes. Thank you!